Thank you for sharing your experience with such a vulnerable transition, Priya! We started the settling in period with a childminder for our daughter when she was 10 months old, but it felt good to us and she seemed ready. When she was 1.5 years old we transitioned her to a bigger daycare with longer opening hours and she’s adapted to both really well, didn’t cry or have the heartbreaking rupture feeling that you describe so painfully/beautifully here 💔
It’s so interesting how different babies need different things and societal structures aren’t set up for this variation - but I am happy that you were able to act on your intuition and wait. Hoping that everything aligns so that everyone is ready for the next settling in period.
Hi Erin, thank you so much for this... so helpful to hear your experience. You're right, in an ideal world we all need to feel ready for the transition. I'm so glad things went smoothly for you. It just shows how much variation there can be among LOs.
Yes, time has flown!! Yes, really tough to find the right kind of place, that ticks all the boxes. I think all the nurseries are full around me, I can't imagine what it's like in London. Yes, I'm sure I'll be sobbing at the school gates when my youngest goes in!!
Thanks so much for writing this, I feel this deeply! Our daughter sounds much like your baby, we tried both childminder and nursery settings; lots of settling sessions with us, but it didn’t work, not really, and both “fired” us due to her “separation anxiety”. I see now that - like everything with her - she just needed more time. Now she’s 18 months we’ve begun discussing again what we might do re childcare… both of us have full time jobs, and we’re juggling, but it’s hard, we’ve been burned! It can feel so lonely feeling like the ones whose baby didn’t settle at all, but instincts are there for a reason, and so much is down to the individual baby. We will get there when we get there. Sending strength and solidarity ❤️
Hi Emma I’m so glad this resonated with you! I think that’s exactly it, it’s already a lonely place to be and making decisions that don’t necessarily fit the grain can be more so. But I’m glad things have slowly taken shape and sometimes it really is just a matter of time! Fingers crossed for you and hope things continue to fall into place
This is such a great post Priya - I don't think that the transition to nursery is talked about enough. It is unbelievably hard and goes against your instincts. Im glad youve made a decision that feels right for you both too. I found it very hard with my eldest, shes 10 now, I remember picking her up after either a settling session or her first day, I can't remember which and they said, oh she was fine, and her voice was hoarse, she'd obviously been crying that much. She was only 13 months old. My middle son adapted a bit better but he was just 11 months going to nursery. I had to go back to work with both of them and it was just the done thing, like it was expected. But with my 3rd child I'm a SAHM so I didn't have to go through that. He starts half day school nursery in Sept so it'll be interesting to see how he differs in terms of his socialisation to his siblings at the same age.
Hi Jenna thank you for sharing this… and that’s sounds so hard especially when you just know it must have been a tough settling in day. But gosh to think she’s 10 now! There is so much variation that is child and nursery dependent… finding the right fit can be a challenge- especially where we are in London! As you say it’ll be so interesting to see how things pan out with your youngest, and how wonderful to have the contrast!
Oh Priya, thank you for sharing these inquiries and reflections. They feel poignant as we start nursery, two days a week, next week. She’s 18 months old, and honestly I’d always thought I’d hold off until she was closer to 2 — even 3! But in the last few months I’ve seen her behaviours shift. She’s holding hands with kids at the park and seems more secure in herself when we’re (rarely) apart… so who knows how it’ll go! Though like you, I’m anticipating the naps to be the worst (she still nurses to sleep for it)! But what I’m most grateful for in reading this Priya is that you listened to your instincts and paused… because I’m constantly told of the stories of women just “pushing through it”. So thank you.
Thanks Kiya and good luck to you two. ❤️ It sounds like she’s showing signs of potentially being ready which is wonderful. In this situation I think you have to go for it and see what happens. Babies have clever ways of showing us when things aren’t quite right (and when they are!)
The thoughts aired here do seem to flow out to the wider experience, into adulthood too.
The need for the feelings of an individual to be acknowledged, rather than forced into how you “should” be feeling or how “I” coped with X, Y, or Z.
We each have a rhythm that has commonality but is also very unique. Yet, we are all urged to be a heard to fit into the average. To be the same! (Wish reminds me of the Life of Brian sketch!)
Thank you for sharing your experience with such a vulnerable transition, Priya! We started the settling in period with a childminder for our daughter when she was 10 months old, but it felt good to us and she seemed ready. When she was 1.5 years old we transitioned her to a bigger daycare with longer opening hours and she’s adapted to both really well, didn’t cry or have the heartbreaking rupture feeling that you describe so painfully/beautifully here 💔
It’s so interesting how different babies need different things and societal structures aren’t set up for this variation - but I am happy that you were able to act on your intuition and wait. Hoping that everything aligns so that everyone is ready for the next settling in period.
Hi Erin, thank you so much for this... so helpful to hear your experience. You're right, in an ideal world we all need to feel ready for the transition. I'm so glad things went smoothly for you. It just shows how much variation there can be among LOs.
Yes, time has flown!! Yes, really tough to find the right kind of place, that ticks all the boxes. I think all the nurseries are full around me, I can't imagine what it's like in London. Yes, I'm sure I'll be sobbing at the school gates when my youngest goes in!!
Thanks so much for writing this, I feel this deeply! Our daughter sounds much like your baby, we tried both childminder and nursery settings; lots of settling sessions with us, but it didn’t work, not really, and both “fired” us due to her “separation anxiety”. I see now that - like everything with her - she just needed more time. Now she’s 18 months we’ve begun discussing again what we might do re childcare… both of us have full time jobs, and we’re juggling, but it’s hard, we’ve been burned! It can feel so lonely feeling like the ones whose baby didn’t settle at all, but instincts are there for a reason, and so much is down to the individual baby. We will get there when we get there. Sending strength and solidarity ❤️
Hi Emma I’m so glad this resonated with you! I think that’s exactly it, it’s already a lonely place to be and making decisions that don’t necessarily fit the grain can be more so. But I’m glad things have slowly taken shape and sometimes it really is just a matter of time! Fingers crossed for you and hope things continue to fall into place
Another insightful and honest article . We have to listen to the voice inside and follow our instinct
This is such a great post Priya - I don't think that the transition to nursery is talked about enough. It is unbelievably hard and goes against your instincts. Im glad youve made a decision that feels right for you both too. I found it very hard with my eldest, shes 10 now, I remember picking her up after either a settling session or her first day, I can't remember which and they said, oh she was fine, and her voice was hoarse, she'd obviously been crying that much. She was only 13 months old. My middle son adapted a bit better but he was just 11 months going to nursery. I had to go back to work with both of them and it was just the done thing, like it was expected. But with my 3rd child I'm a SAHM so I didn't have to go through that. He starts half day school nursery in Sept so it'll be interesting to see how he differs in terms of his socialisation to his siblings at the same age.
Hi Jenna thank you for sharing this… and that’s sounds so hard especially when you just know it must have been a tough settling in day. But gosh to think she’s 10 now! There is so much variation that is child and nursery dependent… finding the right fit can be a challenge- especially where we are in London! As you say it’ll be so interesting to see how things pan out with your youngest, and how wonderful to have the contrast!
Oh Priya, thank you for sharing these inquiries and reflections. They feel poignant as we start nursery, two days a week, next week. She’s 18 months old, and honestly I’d always thought I’d hold off until she was closer to 2 — even 3! But in the last few months I’ve seen her behaviours shift. She’s holding hands with kids at the park and seems more secure in herself when we’re (rarely) apart… so who knows how it’ll go! Though like you, I’m anticipating the naps to be the worst (she still nurses to sleep for it)! But what I’m most grateful for in reading this Priya is that you listened to your instincts and paused… because I’m constantly told of the stories of women just “pushing through it”. So thank you.
Thanks Kiya and good luck to you two. ❤️ It sounds like she’s showing signs of potentially being ready which is wonderful. In this situation I think you have to go for it and see what happens. Babies have clever ways of showing us when things aren’t quite right (and when they are!)
Another deeply insightful and heartfelt post.
The thoughts aired here do seem to flow out to the wider experience, into adulthood too.
The need for the feelings of an individual to be acknowledged, rather than forced into how you “should” be feeling or how “I” coped with X, Y, or Z.
We each have a rhythm that has commonality but is also very unique. Yet, we are all urged to be a heard to fit into the average. To be the same! (Wish reminds me of the Life of Brian sketch!)
You are absolutely right! I can’t agree more and I get the life of Brian sketch too!!